an existential? no, a metaphysical ADHD

"The interruption of that flow of continuity that makes the world understandable is sorcery"
- Castaneda

from my despair I call

you turned away from accepting it all as

the dream of a dream today.

that's okay; who can say what a dream is

it came with the wind & decided to stay.

flowting like water or rhythm of islands

on postcards of

"I learned that in sexuality as in everything else, my prison had been made by the gods within the sphere of Saturn, but that outside of Saturn I was truly free. I then realized that only the black magician is truly spiritual for he alone lives beyond the sphere of Saturn"

- Michael Bertiaux, VGW

As a student of the history of philosophy and of the world's esoteric traditions, I've constructed arguments and counter-arguments against myself so many times that i literally don't even trust my self any more. Indeed, as a student of these fields as well as a practitioner of a number of esoteric technologies, i've come to realeyes that there is not i I but many i's, which sometimes ceaselessly multiply.

Now, whenever i come to make a decision, i always ask my various selves, 'which of my i's made that decision, and why did the others delegate you to decide?'

"The Empire never ended"

I showed her what i really am. What we all really are, in part. I showed her the primordial rage and wrath, the elemental, otherworldly fury that is buried in our collective soul & forever beyond reason. & by using words she might herself use in a different context, i showed her that she was that too. Because that's what i find so esoterically interesting about her, while we're on the topic: her ability to access precisely those kinds of energies..

I would be surprised if she wasn't shaken by the experience. Even i am..

But the thing is, it's not in the words. It's in the way one sort of hurls them with certain emotional charges connected to or embedded in them. This in the briefest summary is magic: the ability to send forth emotional charges powerful and precise enough to achieve actual things in the world. & to close the magical circle, as it were, the most effective energies I've found for these purposes are precisely those primordial, elemental forces

"We do not need to work with people at all. We work at the level of the transcendental Id and there we make all of our advanced attacks and moves"

- Bertiaux, VGW

A memorable fancy

- seeker: You have written that "the advanced adept has already destroyed the very concept of self, at least in their own experience", but is this not antithetical to the very spirit of your vaunted left hand path?

- ll: we've expressed many views, which is true to the Mystery which looks different from various perspectives; & yet arguably the most important part of the process is for you to take these views and reconcile them with your own path. In any case, the masters are almost anonymous in arguing that the fragile fiasco that is the average person's ego must be shattered like an egg-shell at some point or another along the way to make way for something immeasurably greater, so the original statement is technically accurate, even if it doesn't tell the whole story.


These are not simply words and images. In fact, this is a magical machine intended to be as an opening to certain states of awareness somewhat beyond the ordinary. We seek to construct gateways to particular energies or entities, thus providing them with the means to access our world and to bring about what they would like to happen. The reader may want to participate in this little game or they may not but, if not, the reader should know that they do not really matter. Indeed, from the perspective of these energies or entities, the reader does not even exist.


We've shown you our gospel, our grimoire, our book of magickal revelation; now show us yours

& dreams shall flesh

"All I can say to you," don Juan said, "is that a warrior is never available; never is he standing on the road  waiting to be clobbered. Thus he cuts to a minimum his chances of the unforeseen. What you call accidents are,most of the time, very easy to avoid, except for fools who are living helter-skelter."

"It is not possible to live strategically all the time," I said. "Imagine that someone is waiting for you with a  powerful rifle with a telescopic sight; he could spot you accurately five hundred yards away. What would you  do?"

Don Juan looked at me with an air of disbelief and then broke into laughter.

"What would you do?" I urged him.

"If someone is waiting for me with a rifle with a telescopic sight?" he said, obviously mocking me.

"If someone is hiding out of sight, waiting for you. You won't have a chance. You can't stop a bullet."

"No. I can't. But I still don't understand your point."

"My point is that all your strategy cannot be of any help in a situation like that."

"Oh, but it can. If someone is waiting for me with a powerful rifle with a telescopic sight I simply will not  come around"

- castaneda

The black magician will work to establish esoterico-energetic contact with spirits/energies through their own inner dialogue. If the call is made in the proper way, it will only be a matter of time before a response is received from the other side...

The magician has learned to manipulate (a word which, in another time, was not so sinister; or so my reading indicates) the air, or currents, water, or flows, fire, or bursts, and earth, the matrix (also primarily used in the older sense) and foundation. They have learned to hear the secrets whispered through the skulls of the dead


The magician benefits nature, & so nature rewards the magician bountifully


The magician is a means of access for all sorts of otherworldly energies


The master knows that these are all ways of saying the same thing

An aphoristic interlude

The Master is indifferent to every energy

everything that is averse to my to my taste is what I will seek out & embrace

The Master is a devil from another dimension shaped like a person

I've become so good at wearing these masks that i often forget there's something behind them; & then the play kind of reveals itself.. in a strange way

The following is a selection, translated and rearranged, from the first volume of Friedrich Marby’s Runen-B├╝cherei. This must be prefaced with a disclaimer, as portions of his work are concerned with, as so much from the pre-WWII period was, racial consciousness. There is, among all peoples, a certain class which subscribes to the belief in their own racial superiority. These thoughts, although falling often under the epithet of race do not preclude religious or other forms of sectarian claims to supremacy, including tyrannical ‘science’ that blinds people to the Mystery, and an iniquitous system that enslaves to temporal concerns. All classes of people, all groups can fall prey to the attempt to raise themselves above all others. In as much as a person finds their identity, their sense of self, in some group construct, invariably inherited from the past, just so much are they incapable of being a true individual. Without little doubt, we inherit certain tendencies from the past - but we have a choice as to what ideas, customs, habits, thoughts we choose to take hold of and attempt to develop in a life’s work. People are in general insecure social animals who follow the track or groove they are placed into at birth, by and large. It takes a certain type of courage and curiosity to reach out and attempt to lay hold of what lies beyond the well worn paths of though and deed. We should not hesitate to attempt to salvage from the dark past things that are worth remembering, and we should remember that all peoples, indeed all people, have their own particular knowledge from which we can learn something worthwhile. It is also worthwhile to remember that tendency of specific groups to attempt to claim that they alone have the truth, that they alone are chosen, that they alone should have the right to determine the ways of life and of death. Now, some of what Friedrich Marby had to say:

Directions, distances, angles, tensions, and currents can be caused by definite body positions, sounds and movements. Thereby we can materialize and de-materialize, shape, transform and dissolve what we want, according to the mass of our knowledge and ability following the direction and firmness of our will.

All living things are the fruit and product of the fields that surround them. Still further: in living creatures, individual spatial fields create structures, apparatus, bridges to connect with each other. Living beings are the organs of the fields of space which are striving towards each other. Living beings are transmitting and receiving stations for the power fields of heaven and earth.

Certain spaces and forms create antenna and transmitter organs. Certain directions, angles, tensions, currents, and movement rhythms build these organs - the bodies of metals, stones, plants, animals, people. All the values ​​which we find in the sphere of space become matter, form, and activity in the bodies of living creatures and in the events of their environment. What we call any thing is the particular material form created by the predominance of certain spatial values.

Every body reverts into rays and waves when it is no longer able to serve the essence of life as a living being, as an antenna and transmitter for rays and waves. The rays and waves themselves later become, when they are not bound again, voltage, angle and directional values ​​of the different spaces.

The spatial sphere of world phenomena has created living creatures as the expression and tool of life and being. It preserves the forms of the creatures for a certain time, develops the forms, builds organs in which life can become conscious. - Can - It is only then, however, when the human being deliberately grasps the currents of life and begins to live fully consciously.

The life circle, the spherical space, made by every living being with its consciousness is different in size. Most people stick to the ground, and will not be so free. They eat, drink, sleep, work and "plant" themselves or not, but they do not pray as life requires, they do not spread their consciousness, they do not embed their consciousness into the other spaces of the spatial sphere, the antennae of their souls, to the heart of Mother Earth and nor to the over-world-space of the Father of all worlds; They do not speak with their spirits down to the deepest depth, nor to the greatest height, and thus do not come into eternal life. They vegetate, and are exposed to all environmental influences and die as if they had never been.

Man can, however, carry rays and waves from the force field of the earth, as well as from the force field of heaven, as well as through thinking, and thus make himself as healthy and efficient as possible and rejuvenated. Moreover, man has himself in his hand to incorporate in himself the knowledge of the nature of the effective forces, and further to gain clarity about his being. Thus he is able to recognize the gods as well as the primordial god, as far as the organism of his antenna and his basic disposition permit him, and so much more if he refines this organism and makes him capable of absorbing every and all waves of any oscillation and wavelength process.

 "Hell is other people"
- Jean-Paul Sartre

There is only one so-called 'secret', really, & those who are told it (mistakenly) think that it is so fucking obvious that it can't be all that important, & not too much of a secret neither. Wrong. It is by far the most effective technique that the magician could possibly deploy. Simply stated, this secret is 'always conserve energy'

[the fall into the house of mirrors]

society is like a hall of mirrors, where people are the mirrors. In their eyes, you see reflections of yourself, but is that punk ass bitch really you? Generally not; people mostly see what they want to see. To achieve their agenda, fulfill their objectives. Which makes you the object.

It only feels right when there's nothing between my ears
like a black whole ready to receive